Steven Seagal may not be everyone’s favorite, but he undeniably holds an iconic status.
Known for his roles in action-packed movies and a somewhat extravagant self-image, he has crafted a larger-than-life persona over the years.
From his distinctive hairline to his comical remarks, every aspect of Seagal is intriguing, even if it simply elicits a chuckle.
But who truly is this man?
What distinguishes him from other aging action stars, and why does he continue to captivate audiences with his antics?
Well, one standout feature is his penchant for making ludicrous statements that are nothing short of embarrassing.
These cringe-inducing moments are prominently displayed across various platforms, ranging from reality shows to his musical endeavors.
Despite his documented efforts to appear “cool,” these attempts have often backfired, casting Seagal in a shade of humiliation, although he seems impervious to feeling embarrassed.
Let’s delve into two of his most infamous blunders.
Seagal’s Musical Ventures Fall Flat
In reality, his music is anything but hot; it’s more akin to a sundae made of dry ice—definitely not sizzling.
You might be surprised to learn that he ventured into the music industry, and if so, kudos to you for trying to erase this cringe-worthy chapter in pop culture history from your memory.
Seagal has not only released one but multiple albums, and unfortunately, the quality of his lyrics does not improve from one track to the next.
While he deserves credit for writing his own lyrics, the content itself leaves much to be desired.
Take, for instance, these lines: “You’re like a ghost / The more you eat, the more you’re hungry / A hungrier ghost.”
Or consider this juvenile stanza that reads like a poem from a seventh-grade English class: “I take you on a boat, I take you on a train / I take you on a car, I take you on a plane / I believe the music, I believe the drum / When two start to dance then they become one.”
However, if you think these are the pinnacle of embarrassment coming from Seagal, you’re mistaken.
Outlandish Claims Add to the Farce
In the introduction of this piece, we mentioned Seagal’s mythos, and it was a deliberate choice of words.
Much of his legendary status stems from the rumors and assertions he has propagated about himself or that others have attributed to him.
One particularly captivating claim revolves around being declared a tulku by “The Supreme Head of the Nyingma School of Tibetan Buddhism.”
In simpler terms, a tulku is a reincarnated Buddhist master who has vowed to return to aid all beings in achieving enlightenment—an association that doesn’t immediately spring to mind when thinking of Seagal, given his portfolio of action films and entanglements with the mob and FBI.
To his merit, Seagal never explicitly asserted his tulku status; rather, it was bestowed upon him by others (following a generous donation from Seagal, one might infer).
His declarations tend to be more understated, such as stating, “I was born very different, [a] clairvoyant and a healer.”
Another instance involves him allegedly claiming invincibility against being choked out due to a unique technique, only to be swiftly proven wrong.
These instances, while amusing, pale in comparison to the time he challenged someone to a fight under the condition of zero witnesses.
What’s to be done with Steven Seagal?
Perhaps, he should fade into obscurity with the passage of time.
While he has starred in a few entertaining movies and contributed to noble causes, his grandiose persona often borders on the absurd.
His musical endeavors are replete with cringeworthy phrases that are best left in the early 2000s.
As for his claims of clairvoyance and healing abilities, or the speculation surrounding his supposed purchase of enlightenment, they merely scratch the surface of Seagal’s eccentricities.
The deeper you delve into his persona, the stranger it becomes.
Just be cautious not to disrupt his hairline while delving into the enigma that is Steven Seagal—it would undoubtedly be too embarrassing for him to handle.
