How Bette Davis’ Love Life Outshone Her Movie Roles

Bette Davis, the iconic two-time Oscar winner, was laid to rest on October 12, 1989, in a private ceremony at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Los Angeles.

After a career spanning 50 years, she was buried alongside her mother and sister under an epitaph she had chosen herself: “She did it the hard way.”

While Bette achieved fame, fortune, and a record-setting 10 Academy Award nominations, her personal life was filled with dramatic ups and downs.

She endured three divorces, sudden widowhood, a shocking betrayal by her own daughter, and the loss of the man she loved most.

Reflecting on her choices, Bette admitted, “If I was a fool in my personal life, I can't blame acting for that.

I chose very foolishly.

None of my husbands was ever man enough to become Mr. Bette Davis.”

Although Bette's success in Hollywood didn't guarantee relationship bliss, it certainly posed challenges in her marriages.

Her first husband, musician Harmon Nelson, who had been Bette's sweetheart during boarding school, faced scrutiny from the press for earning significantly less than his famous wife.

Julia A. Stern, author of Bette Davis Black and White, explains, “She married him because he was a sweet guy, but he felt emasculated by her fame and success.”

When they divorced in 1938 after six years of marriage, Nelson humorously complained in legal papers that all Bette wanted to do in bed was read scripts.

Stern notes, “That was his way of expressing that she had neglected their marriage.”

To be fair, Bette was not an easy person to be with.

A perfectionist who despised disorder, she was also highly driven.

Stern reveals, “Her ambition made her a workaholic.

But she wasn't interested in being a movie star.

She was truly passionate about acting as an intellectual pursuit.

She struggled with collaborating.”

However, Bette found joy in working with director William Wyler, who helmed three of her most memorable films: Jezebel (1938), for which she won her second Oscar, The Letter (1940), and The Little Foxes (1941).

Stern shares, “They would often clash on set, with each wanting different things.

Yet, Bette found their spirited interaction exhilarating.

He was her intellectual equal and creative partner.”

Naturally, they fell deeply in love, despite Bette already being married.

Stern recounts, “Willie Wyler was the love of her life.

She always said that.”

There was a moment when they almost got married, but after a heated argument, Wyler sent her a letter proposing marriage with an ultimatum: respond within a week or lose him forever.

Stern reveals, “She was so furious that she never opened the letter.

Later, she heard on the radio that he had married someone else.”

During her marriage to painter William Grant Sherry, Bette gave birth to their daughter Barbara, known as B.D.

She later adopted two more children, Margot and Michael, during her final marriage to Gary Merrill, her co-star in All About Eve (1950).

Kathryn Sermak, Bette's longtime assistant and author of Miss D & Me, recalls, “She told me she would have stayed married to Gary, but he had a drinking problem.”

Bette feared for her children's safety and decided to end the marriage.

Sermak adds, “It was affecting B.D., and that's what ultimately led to their breakup.”

Motherhood became Bette's greatest calling, but she proved to be too permissive, especially with B.D.

Stern remarks, “There were no boundaries or limits, and she even allowed her to get married at 16.

Bette bought homes for her.

B.D.

was stubborn and conflicted about her mother.”

B.D.

‘s inner turmoil led her to publish My Mother's Keeper in 1985, depicting Bette as a bullying, self-centered alcoholic.

Unfortunately, this memoir coincided with a difficult time for Bette, who was recovering from a stroke and mastectomy.

Sermak reveals, “Bette loved B.D.

more than anyone else in the world, but they never reconciled.”

Bette lived long enough to respond with her own memoir, This ‘n That, published in 1987.

In it, she wrote, “I hope someday I will understand the title My Mother's Keeper.

If it refers to money, if my memory serves me right, I've been your keeper all these many years.”

She left her wealth and legacy to her son, Michael, who passionately honors her memory through a foundation that awards acting scholarships to students, according to Stern.

As Bette passed away at the age of 81, she expressed few regrets about her eventful life.

She believed that something good could always come out of every experience, even if it was just a lesson learned.